What On Earth?: An alien’s guide to fixing Britain

The much-needed manifesto by the Sanest Politician in the Entire Cosmos, from capping the price of croissants at £1 to taking over Downing Street.

''Count Binface will be Prime Minister. It''s only a matter of time'' Independent

Greetings, life-form! My name is Count Binface. I am an intergalactic space warrior, leader of the Recyclons and three-time British election veteran. And as part of my overarching mission to control the entire omniverse, I have come to conquer Britain.

It''s not that I want to do this - you need me to. Because the one thing everyone can agree on right now is that Earth is in an absolute state. And of all its messed-up nations, the British are particularly deranged.

In this book, I share my story for the first time, my political beliefs and even the occasional recipe, in return for a reasonable - nay, bargain - amount of Earth currency.

I also provide an alien''s-visor-view of your past, so that you can learn from past mistakes. This isn''t the first potted history of Britain ever to be committed to print, but I can guarantee that compared to any others, mine will be the most accurate. If anyone cares to argue about that, which one of us has had access to a time machine?

So settle down, grab a beverage, and let''s make your planet Count.

''Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin'' Rory Stewart

''Count Binface is out of this world'' Emily Maitlis